MIL Say Divorce...

After years of trying to get my husband to break up with me, MIL finally laid off a bit. She still got her jabs in, yes, but for her, she laid off. Until last month.


See, my husband is an architect. He is studying to get his license. This isn’t just a one-time studying deal. No, not even close. This is a 9 test saga. The average person takes 24 months to pass them all. And if you fail one, you must wait 6 months until you are eligible to take it again. My husband has been studying over a year for this. His studying means very little free time for him and for us. He comes home from work about 6:00 or 6:15, we do whatever we need to do, have dinner, and then he starts studying around 8:00. I obviously go to bed way before him. So, needless to say, he’s very burnt out. To make matters worse, his work situation has deteriorated rapidly. He is completely miserable. And he knows he cannot move up or go anywhere without his license, so he is just kind of stuck right now. Between his long days being unhappy at his job to the long nights studying and with little free time, my husband is having a rough time. Sure, it will pass, but it’s still rough right now. He struggles to keep a good attitude.


He had told me a few months ago that he felt like his life was on hold. And I understood that. I feel like that, too. His struggles are my struggles. However, when he told this to his mother, he got a totally different reaction.


First, she said she understood. She tried to explain that when she went back for her masters degree, she felt that way. She seemed genuine and understanding and even somewhat supportive, which is very unlike her. But it was all a facade. She called back later and left him a message. I listened to it. It went something like this: “Son, I thought about what you said and I know I agreed with you at the time, but I really don’t agree with you. I wasn’t miserable while I was in school. I lived my life and I was happy with my life. I hope you can get to the point where you can enjoy your life and be happy.” Total 180. My husband knew she had talked to her husband, they dissected the conversation in their oh-so-high-and-mighty counselor brains, and his step-dad told her she said the wrong thing, so she called to correct herself. To make matters worse, she called back the next day just to make sure her son got her message. This is where it got ugly.


She proceeded to tell him that he needed to divorce me. She could tell that he was unhappy and I was the cause. She had known it all along and had been telling him that for years. She told him that she made a mistake (with her first marriage) and his sister made a mistake (her first marriage ended in divorce, too) and so it was OK if he made a mistake. He could just correct it by getting a divorce and moving on with his life.


He was shocked. He really had himself convinced himself that they were over everything and had moved on from hating me. He was wrong. The only thing he could say to her was “Mom, my wife is the best thing in my life right now.” What do you say to your parent when they tell you to divorce your spouse for no reason? Who on earth would do that? Everyone knows that divorce is hard. Yes, sometimes it is the best for the individuals involved, but even if it is mutual it is still hard. And divorces can get ugly, too. My mother-in-law knows this. Hers was ugly. So why in the world would a parent who has been through that heart ache tell their child to go through the same things? Don’t parents want better for their children? Don’t parents want to protect their children from hurt? I absolutely cannot fathom why a mother would wish such pain on her child, especially when the child is happy. It is beyond my comprehension.