The move and the "talk"

My husband and I dated for 13 months long distance. About 11 months into our relationship, he called one day and told me he had decided to move. I immediately thought of his parents and knew that they would blame this on me. How could they not? Of course, it was a shock to me because I knew he didn’t make decisions spontaneously, so I knew he had been thinking about it for awhile.


He made the choice not to tell his mom and step-dad until it got closer to his move date. He knew they would try to talk him out of it. He interviewed for jobs and looked for places to live on the weekends when he was here to visit. Finally, about 4 weeks before the big move, he told them. All hell broke loose. They threw every guilt trip imaginable at him. And still he persisted.


The day that he moved was one of the most miserable days of his life. His mom and step-dad originally said they would help him move. Then, they backed out by deciding to go to a NCAA basketball game. They did, however, stop by his apartment to tell him bye. I’m so glad I was not there. My husband heard things from his parent no child should have to endure from his/her parents. They pulled out all the stops. He was a terrible son. This was the ultimate betrayal. He was making the biggest mistake of his life. He just wanted to move closer to me so he could have sex with me (we weren’t even sleeping together). In his mother’s words, he was “following his dick.” I’m telling you, it was horrible. By the time he made it the 4 hours to his new home, he was in tears. They hurt him so bad that day. I do not believe he will ever recover from the things they said.


He moved on January 29, 2005. Less than 3 weeks later, February 19 at 5:30 am, he was in the emergency room with a kidney stone. He had surgery 2 days later to remove the stone. Were his mother and/or step-dad there? Of course not! They were too mad at him to come!


They did, however, decide to come and have a big talk with us a few weekends later. It was February 26, 2005. My husband really thought that if we all talked it out things would get better. I tried to tell him that emotions were high and that would make it worse, but he still believed in his parents and so I agreed to go along to get along. I tried to get them a hotel room, but his mother refused it saying the place I had chosen was “trashy.” They picked their own, told us where to meet them for dinner, and then went to my husband’s apartment for the talk.


I was scared of these people. After over a year of this, I knew what they were capable of. I knew how manipulative they were. I was not about to let them get the best of me. So I decided to tape our conversation. My roommate helped me pick out a digital recorder that came with a microphone. She helped tape the microphone to my body, we clipped the microphone onto my bra, and I placed the recorder on the inside of my jeans. I went to the bathroom before we started so I could turn the recorder on. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the worst conversations of my life. 2 ½ hours of pure torture. And I have the whole thing on tape. His mother explained how she told one of his ex-girlfriends to “f@#k off” all while pointing her finger right at me. His step-dad told me I was a fundamentalist (whatever that is) and that was all he needed to know about me. He didn't care to get to know me at all because he didn't need to. They told me I was manipulative, controlling, and all kinds of other things. They really ripped into both of us. After 14 months of dating this man, I was officially the “devil daughter-in-law.”